


Not Without You

by TeamDamon



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: A4, Character Death, I apologize in advance, I got dat angst, Lots of tears, M/M, Mild Stucky, WTF, and yet I wrote it, but if you want angst, i don't want it, ngl this is pretty depressing, no graphic violence, pls don't read if you don't wanna be sad, this better not actually happen in A4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 05:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15923843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamDamon/pseuds/TeamDamon
Summary: After defeating Thanos, Steve makes the ultimate sacrifice to restore life to half of the universe. But first, he has to say goodbye.





	Not Without You

**Author's Note:**

> This happened due to a conversation between myself and MorningGlory2 after we read the supposed A4 leaked script. I don't believe any of the supposed spoilers for a minute and the "script" is totes fake but it did lead to this idea, which ripped out my own heart and stomped all over it so... yeah, I'm sorry in advance. Thank you for reading, all who will, and do heed the warnings :')

Steve opened his eyes. Everything was quiet, deafeningly so, and he stood in the midst of a vast, seemingly endless land. A hazy orange-red glow surrounded him, above and beside and underneath him, and ahead of him in the distance stood one lone, achingly familiar figure. 

His heart lurched in his chest. This... _this  
_ was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done. Laying down his life and sacrificing himself when it was necessary for the greater good was one thing - it was honorable, moral, a no brainer for a man like Steve - but he'd never been good at saying goodbye. 

He had done this once before, with Peggy during the old war. He would never forget taking that plunge into the ice, planning a date that would never come to fruition, knowing that once he closed his eyes he was never going to open them again. 

But then he did. And now here he was, putting one foot in front of the other and stepping closer to the other person he loved, steeling himself for what was to come. 

The stone's wisdom didn't surprise him. A soul for a soul, the saying went, and it had brought him to the other half of his. 

His steps slowed to a halt upon approach, Steve taking a deep breath before murmuring softly, "Buck."

He could see the instant stiffening of Bucky's shoulders, the way that he tensed as he turned around to face him. The moment their eyes connected, Bucky's face fell. 

"No," he whispered. "You're not supposed to be here."

Steve's expression was pained, his features pinched and tone full of regret as he replied softly, "I think this was where I was always gonna be, in the end."

Bucky shook his head, brows furrowing and lips tightening into an increasingly angry line. " _No_. There's gotta be another way."

Steve cast his eyes down. "There isn't. This is it. It's the only way."

"You don't know that."

"I do," Steve answered gently, recalling the fact that out of countless potential futures, this was the only path that led to half of all life in the universe being restored. "You'll understand when you get back home."

Bucky stared at him for a long moment, whether in disbelief or anger Steve wasn't sure, before shaking his head one more time and saying, "No."

Steve grimaced, the ache in his chest sharp enough to remind him of his youth and the way that his lungs would burn when asthma would take its toll on his frail body. "You gotta go home, Buck."

"No, not without you."

The familiarity of those words were not lost on Steve. "Not this time."

And just like Steve knew he would, Bucky refused to accept what he was hearing. Bucky stood there, mouth opening and no words coming out, eyes increasingly shiny and distressed and breaths coming faster, and Steve did the only thing he could think of. He stepped forward and pulled Bucky into a tight, unrelenting hug, Steve's eyes closing against the wave of anguish breaking over him and threatening to take him down. 

Bucky clung to him as if he could keep Steve alive with the sheer force of his arms alone, as if he could hold on to him tightly enough to withstand any force in the universe. Steve embraced him back just as fiercely, hating how unfair it all was. He'd lost Bucky twice and now Bucky had to lose him. Steve would never understand why it had to be this way, why fate would write their destinies in such a cruel manner. 

But there truly was no other choice. 

"I'm sorry, Buck," Steve whispered, holding the back of Bucky's head with one shaky hand. They stayed like that until Bucky pulled away, eyes red-rimmed and one tear already sliding down his cheek. 

"Can I stay here? With you?" he asked, voice small as if he knew that it was a foolish question, and that was the moment Steve's heart truly shattered. 

He shook his head, barely stopping a small sob from escaping his throat. "It doesn't work like that. You have to go back. Everybody has to go back."

"... What if I don't want to?" Bucky retorted, another tear falling. "I don't... without you, what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"You've always been fine without me," Steve replied softly, the words as true as they were painful. He had always needed Bucky and had since day one but Bucky... he was the strongest person Steve had ever known. "That's not gonna change now."

Bucky stared at him, lip quivering just enough for Steve to see it, his expression excruciating. "Why did it have to be you?"

"I don't know," Steve frowned, looking away. "But it did and this is my choice, Buck. You've gotta let me go."

Bucky's eyes welled up until they burned, and he blinked rapidly as he pulled Steve in for another bone crushing hug. This time Steve couldn't hold back and he dropped his face between Bucky's neck and shoulder, letting his own tears fall while he was still alive to shed them. 

"You're gonna do fine, Buck," Steve murmured near his ear when he came up for air, sniffing back his tears. "You'll get to live your life. Do whatever you wanna do, be whoever you wanna be."

When Bucky said nothing in reply, Steve gently pulled away and held Bucky close, cradling the left side of his face with one hand. "Look at me," he urged Bucky gently, and Bucky complied after a quick swipe of his flesh hand under his watery eyes. "Promise me you'll move on. Don't sit around and waste your time on me. I _need_ you to live your life. Be happy again someday."

Bucky let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes, leaning forward until their foreheads were pressed together. 

"Promise me, Buck," Steve repeated gently. 

"I'll try," Bucky finally muttered, eyes still shut tight. "Fuck I hate this."

"Me too," Steve replied, drawing back and looking Bucky in the eye as he looked up. A fond, pained smile touched his lips and he added, "But I love you."

Face crumbling like he'd been punched in the gut, Bucky replied through the lump in his throat, "I love you too."

They'd said those words to each other plenty of times before in the past, from the playground and on, but now as they stood at the end of the line the words carried a bittersweetness that neither could bear. They'd never be ready to say goodbye but the moment had come, and there was no escaping it. 

Their gazes locked, arms still wrapped around each other and faces close, Steve didn't dare say a word when something in the air changed along with something about the way that Bucky was looking at him. He wasn't sure what it was but he welcomed it, both of them leaning in just a fraction as if an unseen force was drawing them closer and closer, and then... 

Bucky's eyes flitted to Steve's shoulder and his metal hand resting atop it. Slowly, piece by dusty piece, the limb began to fade away. Steve's eyes darted to his shoulder and then widened, flying back to Bucky's now-panicked blue eyes. 

It was happening again, only this time Bucky was going back. Steve's arms tightened around him out of instinct, holding him as closely as he physically could manage, and he whispered, "It's okay. It's okay, I promise."

Bucky shook his head, frantic as he tried to hold on, but it was no use. Eye contact never breaking, Steve watched as Bucky faded away inch by inch until there was nothing left, until all that was left were the wisps of the dust he left behind in Steve's empty arms. 

Alone now with nothing left to hold on to, Steve's face crumpled and he fell to his knees. It was done now - he had done what he had set out to do, what needed to be done to restore half of the universe to life, and he would make the same decision no matter how many lifetimes he lived. But that didn't make it any easier and it didn't ease the pain of his heart shattering from within. 

The end of the line had simply come too soon. 

Meanwhile, outside of the stone and all across the galaxy, Steve's sacrifice was felt in each and every corner of existence. Loved ones were reunited, young and old alike, and Bucky got to watch it with his own two eyes. T'Challa came back to Okoye, Shuri and Ramonda, Peter back to Tony, and a hell of a lot of others he didn't know. But some losses were permanent. 

Vision was gone, leaving Wanda's arms as empty as Bucky's were. And once it was finished and everyone was back, the time came for her to destroy the Soul Stone and ensure that Thanos' actions would never be replicated by anyone else ever again. 

When Bucky tried to argue against it and insist that they try to find a way to get Steve out of it first, it was Thor who put a hand on his shoulder and gently told him that Steve had made them swear to destroy the stone as soon as the snap was undone. 

There was nothing he could do. There was nothing that anyone could do. 

All of the Avengers new and old stood united as Wanda shattered the stone into pieces. A shockwave burst forth from the impact and just like that, it was all over. 

Steve had saved the whole damn universe. He'd saved Bucky. He had taken on the most powerful bully in existence and won. 

Bucky couldn't have been more proud or loved him any more deeply. He'd left half of his own heart and soul in that damn stone, in Steve's arms, and he didn't know how but he would do as he'd promised and _live_. He'd live for Steve and try to make him just as proud and honor his legacy as best as he could. 

But for now, it was time to mourn while everybody else celebrated.


End file.
